THE IMPORTANCE OF RIGHT FRIENDSHIPS - CHAPTER # 5 !!!!!!!!!!

THE IMPORTANCE OF RIGHT FRIENDSHIPS !!!!!!
# 1 _Some people prefer to be alone. But most want to be around other people. Relationships and associations are important to them. They desire to have and maintain friendships. Friendship is part of God's way of life. His Word has much to say about friendship. In fact, God Himself strongly emphasizes His desire for relationships and friendships. Jesus Christ, who is one in mind and Spirit with the Father, will marry the Church. This implies an extremely close relationship as well as a friendship. A major underpinning in God's plan is healthy, strong, close relationships.
# 2 - The Scriptures refer to Abraham and Moses as friends of God (EXODUS 33:11; James 2:23). Jesus had close friends. Though the disciples were His closest friends, He had friendly relationships with others, including tax collectors. For this He was soundly condemned by others (MATTHEW 11:19). One of the tax collectors, Matthew, even became a disciple (MATTHEW 9:9__13).
# 3 - These example illustrate that is not wong to have friends who are not Christian. John, another disciple and a close friend of Jesus, described the danger we must keep in mind: "Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world__the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life__ is not of the Father but is of the world. And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever" (1 JOHN 2:15__17). 
# 4 - We must maintain a proper balance. We are to help people in the world__in society__without becoming part of the way of life of the world. Among the disciples, the Savior apparently felt especially close to John. He even commissioned this disciple to care for His mother, Mary, after His death. Although Jesus was a friend to many, He appears to have felt a special affinity for John.  
# 4 - John's epistles dwell on love as a major theme. Since God is love and the Son if God is like His Father (HEBREWS 1:3), this may by why Jesus felt a special affinity for John. Following Christ's example, we can see that it's not wrong for us to have close friends as long as they do not prevent us from helping others and having a positive relationship with them. People can be so much more effective, so much more balanced and so much wiser as a result of developing and maintaining healthy friendships. The Word of God supports this approach. The book of Proverbs is rife with wise sayings on aspects of friendship. Proverbs focuses on the importance of developing friendships based on the right reason. For example, Proverbs 19:4__6 tells us: "Wealth makes many friends, but the poor is separated from his friend . . . Many entreat the favor of the nobility, and every man is a friend to one who gives gifts."  

FINDING THE PATH TO A HAPPY FAMILY - CHAPTER # 4

FINDING THE PATH TO A HAPPY FAMILY - CHAPTER # 4 !!!!!!!!!

One of the greatest blessings of a happy, fulfilled life is a loving family. Nothing seems better than coming home to a household filled with love, children and a happy marriage. Although we may have a great job, without a successful home life we will realize a great void in our lives. In the broadest sense our family includes not only our spouse and children, but parents, uncles, aunts, cousins, nephews, nieces and others__all members of our extended family. Enjoying a good relationship with all one's family is a wonderful blessing.

# 2 __To discover how we can make our family relationship work, let's see how the institution of the family began. Shortly after God created the first man, Adam, He said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him" (GENESIS 2:18). Adam was incomplete. So God created a woman, Eve, to be his partner in life. God created men and woman to complement each other, not compete with each other. He created them to work together, within marriage, to form families and populate the earth. 
It is easy to forget that children are a blessing from God. Life is much more fulfilling when we take time to notice and appreciate the simple things around us. 
# 2 __To discover how we can make our family relationship work, let's see how the institution of the family began. Shortly after God created the first man, Adam, He said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him" (GENESIS 2:18). Adam was incomplete. So God created a woman, Eve, to be his partner in life. God created men and woman to complement each other, not compete with each other. He created them to work together, within marriage, to form families and populate the earth.
It is easy to forget that children are a blessing from God. Life is much more fulfilling when we take time to notice ans appreciate the simple things around us. 
# 3 __Keys to happiness _God didn't create the family relationship and then leave us to stumble blindly in trying to find the best way to make it work. The keys for family happiness and success are revealed in the Scriptures. When we follow these instructions, much of the strife so often found in families is eliminated. 
# 4 __One of the keys God gives is the marriage is a lifelong commitment. When asked about divorce, Jesus Christ responded: "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? (MATTHEW 19:4__5).
# 5 __Jesus showed that marriage was designed by God as a sacred contract, a covenant between a man and woman (MALACHI 2:14)__an agreement not to be violated. Happiness does not come by accident. We are most satisfied when we are doing something we believe is important. Such is the case with the family. God created this institution so we could learn many lessons and attain our potential in His family (2 CORINTHIANS 6:18; HEBREWS 2:10__11; 1 JOHN 3:2). God gives instructions on how a family is to function. In the Fifth Commandment He tells us, "Honor your father and mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you" (EXODUS 20:12).
# 6 __We are always to honor our parents. In our youth we should honor them by respectful obedience. When they are old we should honor them with visits, regular communication and respect and by seeing that their material and emotional needs are met. God promises  a special blessing for people who obey this commandment. Notice the reward for honoring our parents: "that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you." In Ephesians 6:2 the apostle Paul describes this instruction as "the first commandment with promise."
# 7 __ Another blessing that comes from having a family is children. Psalm 127:3__5 tells us: "Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them . . ."
# 8 __Whether first-time parents marveling at the miracle of life, a grandmother proudly holding her first grandchild or a grandfather playing catch with his grandchild in the backyard__all discover children to be a God-given source of joy. It is easy to forget that children are a blessing from God. Too often we think of having fun as visting an exotic vacation spot, meeting exciting people or witnessing a spectacular event. Yet we eventually learn that life is much more fulfilling when we take time to notice and appreciate the simple things around us.
# 9 _Happiness begins at home _Sadly, our modern way of life tends to separate families. Grandchildren often live far from their grandparents. Youngsters are separated from their aunts, uncles and cousins. Frequent visits and phone calls can help shorten the distance and keep us in touch with other members of our family, but those measures are not always adequate. Building happy, stable, extended families takes effort. Galatians 6:7 explains that we reap what we sow. A properly functioning family requires a lot of work, just as it takes effort to start a career, build a house or plow a field.
# 10 __We usually reap rewards in proportion to the effort we put into something. If we start to build a house but don't make use of good-quality materials and good workmanship, our house will not have much value. Our families are the same. If we put effort and care into them, then we don't invest much time and effort in our families, we cannot expect much in return. Let's consider some investments we can make to create the most positive environment in our families. 
# 11 _Time: a precious commodity _Spending time together is important for people in any profitable and proper relationship. The many pressures and demands on our time tend to pull our families farther apart rather than drawing them together. Some parents find it difficult to spend more than a few minutes each day with their spouses and children.
# 12 _It is common to hear people complain about their lack of time. Yet we seem to find time for the things that we really want to do. How important is your family? How high a priority is it to you? When we ask ourselves this question, we may see a need to rearrange our priorities. You may have to make time for your family.
# 13 _When family members live in the same area and share the commitment to obey God's commandments, they have a special opportunity for spending time together while worshiping God. The Fourth Commandment instructs us to "remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy" (EXODUS 20:8). Though one of the most ignored laws to God, the Sabbath command, when observed, affords families many opportunities to come together. (To learn how to find time in your week to consider godly spiritual values, you need to learn more about God's weekly Sabbath. 
# 14 _The Sabbath commandment is more important today than ever because of our busy schedules. It is a day on which family members should have dinner together, perhaps take time for a walk and, above all, worship God together. Investing time with your close relatives on the sabbath can enhance your relationship with them, teach them the values of God and bind your family together through eternal spiritual principles. 
# 15 _In addition to the Sabbath, other times and activities, such as trips, vacations and holidays, provide ways for family members to spend time together. Such occasions provide opportunities for parents to talk with their children, to find out what they are thinking about life and learn to their hopes, dreams and frustrations. It is also a time for children to start asking question of their parents about life. When a family is together in a car for many hours traveling, parents can take this time to communicate with their children, thus bringing their families closer together.
The Sabbath is a day on which family members should have dinner together, perhaps take time for a walk and, above all, worship God together. 
# 16 _A source of support _There are always times when things go wrong. When rough times come, the family can provide powerful support. Ecclesiastes 4:11__12 points out the advantage of support: "If two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three stands is not quickly torn apart." What better physical, emotional and even spiritual support can one have than a loving family that comes to the aid of a stricken member? Paul exhorted the congregation in Thessalonica to "comfort the fainthearted, uphold the weak, be patient with all" (1 THESSALONIANS 5:15). Assistance from the family is the first source of help when problems arise. If a family member falls ill or loses a job, a supporting family can help. Family members can encourage him not to give up or become overly discouraged.
# 17 _A problem during Jesus earthly ministry was nonsupporting families. Christ chastised the Pharisees, telling them they needed to take care of older, needy family members. "All too well you reject the commandment of God, that you may keep your tradition," He told them. "For Moses said, 'Honor your father and your mother'; and, 'He who curses father or mother, let him be put to death.' But you say, 'If a man says to his father or mother, whatever profit you might have received from me is Corban'__(that is, a gift to God), then you no longer let him do anything for his father or his mother" (MARK 7:9__12). He made it clear that family members have a responsibility to take care of elderly parents. One way to support elderly parents is to stay in regular contact with them. Letters and phone calls to see how they are doing are good first steps. Then one should follow through with help as needed. The principle of assisting also applies to other members of a family when they are in need.
# 18 _Traditionally speaking__Traditions help families function and grow closer. We have already mentioned that obedience to the Fourth Commandment (to keep the Sabbath holy) can help make stronger families. Besides the Sabbath and biblical feast days, other traditional times to get together__such as anniversaries__offer important opportunities for developing relationships. (To understand the meaning of the biblical Holy Days, be sure to request God's Holy Day plan: The Promise of Hope for All Mankind). Jesus Christ encourages us as well to extend hospitality to others outside our immediate families: "When you give a dinner or a supper, do not ask your friends, your brothers, your relatives, nor rich neighbors, lest they also invite you back, and you be repaid. But when you give a feast, invite the poor, the maimed, the lame, the blind. And you will be blessed, because they cannot repay you; for you shall be repaid at the resurrection of the just" (LUKE 14:12__14).
# 19 _The need for rules: _We live in an era that has cast off many of the rules__the standards and traditions__that once governed society. The result? Young people do not have the guidelines to help them grow and mature into responsible adults. Far too many roam the streets without rules to define proper behavior.
# 20 _Children need boundaries and rules. They need to know what is expected of them. Proverbs 29:15 tells us that "the rod and rebuke give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother." Children and teenagers may not appreciate correction and rules when they are young; but when they are older, they will see and be thankful for the wisdom of parents who gave them proper guidance. Ross Campbell, M. D., understands the importance of rules in the development of children. In this book How to Really Love Your Teenagers he writes: "Teenagers at some level of consciousness realize they need guidance and control from their parents. They want it. I have heard so many teenagers say that their parents do not love them because they are not strict or firm enough. And so many teenagers express their thankfulness and love to parents who showed their care and concern by their guidance and control."
# 21 _Rules and guidelines are good for children. They let them know what is expected of them. They identify proper standards of behavior. Responsible parents who love their children will give careful consideration to the rules they established. Dr. Campbell asks: "Should you make them fair, broad, and reasonable? Or should you be very strict? It is important to remember that the normal teenager will test__and sometimes even break__your limits or rules. Common sense, then, indicates that since it is in the makeup of most teenagers to challenge and/or break rules, no matter how strict or broad they are, the sensible thing is to make rules initially quite strict and restrictive.
# 22 _Later, as children mature and demonstrate responsible behavior, the rules can be relxed where and when appropriate. The Bible tells us that children, too, have a responsibility. Paul wrote, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right" (EPHESIANS 6:1). Ideally, youths will learn from parents who teach them God's instructions.
# 23 _Of course, children tend to test rules. At times they will decide they know better than their parents. When this happens, parents should take time to explain why certain rules exist. For example, if a youngster or teenager has a tendency to not wear a seat belt when riding in a car, explain to him the reason for wearing one: Seat belts usually saves lives and prevent serious injuries in case of accidents. If children are placed in seat belts when they are young, they will develop the habit of buckling up and likely not challenge it as they grow older.
# 24 _Love: the lasting ingredient __Love is the most important ingredient in any successful family. If members of the family love each other, they will be more tolerant and forgiving, and they will be willing to support weaker members of the family. The apostle Paul describes the characteristics of true love, the unselfish concern for other people: "Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things" (1 CORINTHIANS 13:4__7). Love is especially important within the family structure. It gives us direction when we wonder how to treat a family member. Love means applying discipline when needed. This kind of love requires parental courage and self-discipline__the same attributes we would like to see in our children.    
# 25 __Societal changes have seriously threatened the family. Some wonder if the family structure can survive. Many forces are at work that constantly threaten and undermine this basic building block of society. There is much you can do to help make your family life work, to help prevent your family from becoming one of the casualties. You can help make your family a safe haven for its members, a harbor from the storms of life in a troubled world. To see your family life flourish, be sure to apply these principles and many more to be found throughout the Bible.  

CHILD REARING: BUILDING THE RIGHT FOUNDATION - CHAPTER # 3 !!!!!!!

CHILD REARING: BUILDING THE RIGHT FOUNDATION !!!!!
Countless books have been written about rearing. Some approaches to rearing children are at opposite ends of the spectrum and give conflicting and contradictory advice. Where can we find sure, sound information to guide us in this crucial responsibility? The Bible has much to say about this all-important subject, and parents should look to its pages for guidance. What should be our fundamental approach? 
# 2 _Our attitude toward our children is perhaps the single most important consideration in proper child rearing. Do we really love our children? Do our words and actions show our children we love them?? Will we, and do we, sacrifice for them? Do we make time to show we care for them? There is no substitute for time spent with our children. Our time is our life. To our children, our time with them is life. A parent who provides his children with plenty of material possessions but little personal time is missing a vital point. Children do not equate the parent's time on the job working to provide for the family with love for them. They think it means Dad doesn't like to spend time with them. Our time is the most valuable gift we can give to our children, especially quality time interacting and conversing with them. Without a foundational approach of love, little that we can do in rearing our children will produce the favorable results we want to see: mature, responsible and caring young men and women.
# 3 _WORDS AND ACTIONS LEAVE LASTING IMPRESSIONS !!!__All parents at times become frustrated with their children's behavior. It is easy for a father or mother to convey the impression that he she doesn't love the child. Some parents, by means of angry, frustrated reactions and comments, make their children feel they are worthless or despised by the parents.
# 4 _Parents must carefully consider the impression their words and actions make on their children. They may be upset about only one negative trait or action but make the child feel as if he is an altogether bad person. It is essential that parents control their anger when connecting a child and that they make the specific behavior, action or attitude for which the child is being punished perfectly clear.
# 5 _The apostle Paul offers this instruction to parents: "Fathers, do not irritate and provoke your children to anger__do not exasperate them to resentment__but rear them (tenderly) in the training and discipline and the counsel and admonition of the Lord" (EPHESIANS 6:4,).
# 6 _In other words, parents should be sure their children know, even when they are being disciplined and corrected, that they are loved. This is not to say parents should never display anger, but that it must be obviously directed toward the child's misbehavior. It should always be controlled and brief. God Himself becomes angry at times, but He doesn't lose His temper, and He always has a righteous purpose for His indignation and resulting actions.
# 7 _When children know they are deeply cared for and that correction from their father or mother grows out of concern and is in their best interest, such discipline will not provoke them to anger and rebellion. On the other hand, statements that a child perceives as painting him and his character and attitude as worthless make him feel rejected and can eventually lead to rebellious behavior, damaging activities and even running away from home.
# 8 _If a parent tells his child he's no good, the child soon will start believing it and living up to that reputation. To show active rather than passive love for our kids, we must extend sincere compliments and praise when they're due. This reassures our children they are loved and appreciated.
# 9 _Parents responsibility to teach_Another essential ingredient in proper child rearing is actively teaching right values and behavior. God emphasizes this parental resposibility: "And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart; you shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up" (DEUTERONOMY 6:6__7). This does not mean just formal, classroom-style teaching, although such teaching is appropriate. The instruction God commands inspires practical, down-to-earth learning and application of God's way of life while we go about our daily activites.This kind of teaching requires much more than a once-a-week session at church services. It must be a regular practice, all week long. Such teaching should become a way of life.
# 10 _Children, of course, quickly pereive whether their parents practice what they teach. Therefore, the parents example may be the most important teacher of all. Parents must do the things they teach. Nothing is more ineffective than for a parent who uses foul language to correct his child for using similar language. How can a parent teach resopsibility if his own actions are irresponsible, if they being needless hardship on the family?
# 11 _Our example greatly influences our children. They are quick to pick up on inconsistencies. They consider how fair we are, how much information we seek before making s decision, how we treat their friends, how courteously and respectfully we deal with others. They especially watch whether we live up to what we say__particularly if we are judgmental of other people on those same issues.
# 12 _The need for discipline _An important part of teaching is discipline, which can involve punishment. This is a controversial subject in many societies, with strong opinions on many sides of the issue. Some parents believe in corporal punishment; others are dead set against it. Government, too, enter the picture, with some countries going so far as to outlaw spanking or paddling. The educational system is a major additional factor in this ongoing debate. Corporal punishment has virtually disappeared from many public schools.
# 13 _Keep in mind, however, the various ways to punish or administer discipline. Verbal correction, removal of privileges, restricting freedoms and adding extra chores are a few. Sometimes such methods work well, and some may be more effective with one child than another. Some children are more sensitive and respond to scolding. Others require bolder steps to teach the lesson. The result is the important thing. A godly principle is to use only as much punishment as is required to achieve the desired result. But sometimes none of these methods work. So what about corporal punishment?
# 14 _The Bible teaches that corporal punishment, wisely applied, is appropriate when disciplining children: "Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death" (PROVERBS 23:13__14; See also PROVERBS 13:24; 22:15; 29:15).
# 15 _The word rod should not be interpreted to mean anything that could injure a child in any manner whatsoever. It implies only something small and light that would inflict a limited amount of pain without injury. The size might vary according to the age and size of the child. Appropriate punishment involves temporarily inflicting minor pain with the specific objective of preventing future inappropriate behavior with its far greater and long-lasting consequences. This minor, short-lived pain is nothing compared with the suffering that would come later if the child should permanently adopt destructive behavior. But parents must wisely administer such discipline. It should be undertaken only for the child's benefit, never to vent a parent's uncontrolled anger.
# 16 _Family and child-rearing authority James Dobson describes the proper approach in administering punishment: "It is possible . . . to create a violent and aggressive child who has observed this behavior at home. If he is routinely beaten by hostile, volatile parents, or if he witness physical violence between angry adults, or if he feels unloved and unappreciated within his family, the child will not fail to notice how the game is played . . . Being a parent carries no right to slap and intimidate a child because you had a bad day or are in a lousy mood. It is this kind of unjust discipline that causes some well-meaning authorities to reject corporal punishment altogether.
# 17 _"Just because a technique is used wrongly, however, is no reason to reject it altogether. Many children desperately need this resolution to their disobedience. In those situations when the child fully understands what he is being asked to do or not to do but refuses to yield to adult leadership, an appropriate spanking is the shortest and most effective route to an attitude adjustment. When he lowers his head, clenches his fists, and makes it clear he is going for broke, justice must speak swiftly and eloquently. Not only does this response not create aggression in a boy or girl, it helps them control their impulses and live in harmony with various forms of benevolent authority throughout life"
# 18 _Spanking should be a contingency plan, not the standard or sole way of punishing. It should be used when other approaches don't work or when a child is out of control all will not submit or when he shows a rebellious spirit. Spankings are not for accidentally spilling milk or for making a C on a report card. Nor should they become the dominant tool of child rearing. Says Dr. Dobson: "In my opinion, spankings . . . should be reserved for the moment a child (between the age of eighteen months to ten years old) expresses to parents a defiant 'I will not!' or 'You shut up!' When youngsters convey this kind of stiff-necked rebellion, you must be willing to respond to the challenge immediately." 
# 19 _Taking a cue from God's discipline _Consider that God chastises Christians out of love for them. Notice Hebrews 12:5__11: "And you have forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as children__'My child, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, or lose heart when you are punished by him; for the Lord disciplines those whom he loves, and chastises every child whom he accepts.' "Endure trials for the sake of discipline. God is treating you as children; for what child is there whom a parent does not discipline? If you do not have that discipline in which all children share, then you are illegitimate and not his children. Moreover, we had human parents to discipline us, and we respected them. Should we not be even more willing to be subject to the Father of spirits and live?
# 20 _"For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share his holiness. Now, discipline always seems painful rather than pleasant at the time, but rather it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. The preceding passage from Hebrews quotes Proverbs 3:11__12, comparing God's correcting of us as His children to human parents disciplining their children out of love and concern for them.
# 21 __These verses teach us several vital principles regarding discipline. From them we learn (1) __God disciplines in love, (2) __discipline is not rejection but part of our maturing and growth, (3) __discipline produces respect, and (4) __discipline produces good fruit and righteousness. The Greek word for "discipline" in the passage in Hebrews includes the concepts of education and training, corrective guidance and corrective punishment. Proper child rearing involves all these elements of training. 
# 22 __Another biblical principle that parents should consider when evaluating discipline appropriate for their children is expressed by the apostle Paul: "Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and the authorities that exist are appointed by God. Therefore whoever resists the authority resists the ordinance of God, and those who resists will bring judgment on themselves" (ROMANS 13:1__2). Parents should understand that some disciplinary practices recommended in Scriptures may be restricted by local, state or national laws. 
# 23 __A blessing and responsibility __God's Word tells us children are a gift, a blessing from Him. Being a parent is perhaps the greatest responsibility we can have in this life, and it can bring the greatest rewards. We can teach our sons and daughters many things, but we can also learn much from them about life and relationships. If we are effective in parenting, they can even surpass us and achieve more than we. That is truly an honor to any parent and a worthy goal.