THE IMPORTANCE OF RIGHT FRIENDSHIPS - CHAPTER # 5 !!!!!!!!!!

THE IMPORTANCE OF RIGHT FRIENDSHIPS !!!!!!
# 1 _Some people prefer to be alone. But most want to be around other people. Relationships and associations are important to them. They desire to have and maintain friendships. Friendship is part of God's way of life. His Word has much to say about friendship. In fact, God Himself strongly emphasizes His desire for relationships and friendships. Jesus Christ, who is one in mind and Spirit with the Father, will marry the Church. This implies an extremely close relationship as well as a friendship. A major underpinning in God's plan is healthy, strong, close relationships.
# 2 - The Scriptures refer to Abraham and Moses as friends of God (EXODUS 33:11; James 2:23). Jesus had close friends. Though the disciples were His closest friends, He had friendly relationships with others, including tax collectors. For this He was soundly condemned by others (MATTHEW 11:19). One of the tax collectors, Matthew, even became a disciple (MATTHEW 9:9__13).
# 3 - These example illustrate that is not wong to have friends who are not Christian. John, another disciple and a close friend of Jesus, described the danger we must keep in mind: "Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world__the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life__ is not of the Father but is of the world. And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever" (1 JOHN 2:15__17). 
# 4 - We must maintain a proper balance. We are to help people in the world__in society__without becoming part of the way of life of the world. Among the disciples, the Savior apparently felt especially close to John. He even commissioned this disciple to care for His mother, Mary, after His death. Although Jesus was a friend to many, He appears to have felt a special affinity for John.  
# 4 - John's epistles dwell on love as a major theme. Since God is love and the Son if God is like His Father (HEBREWS 1:3), this may by why Jesus felt a special affinity for John. Following Christ's example, we can see that it's not wrong for us to have close friends as long as they do not prevent us from helping others and having a positive relationship with them. People can be so much more effective, so much more balanced and so much wiser as a result of developing and maintaining healthy friendships. The Word of God supports this approach. The book of Proverbs is rife with wise sayings on aspects of friendship. Proverbs focuses on the importance of developing friendships based on the right reason. For example, Proverbs 19:4__6 tells us: "Wealth makes many friends, but the poor is separated from his friend . . . Many entreat the favor of the nobility, and every man is a friend to one who gives gifts."  

FINDING THE PATH TO A HAPPY FAMILY - CHAPTER # 4

FINDING THE PATH TO A HAPPY FAMILY - CHAPTER # 4 !!!!!!!!!

One of the greatest blessings of a happy, fulfilled life is a loving family. Nothing seems better than coming home to a household filled with love, children and a happy marriage. Although we may have a great job, without a successful home life we will realize a great void in our lives. In the broadest sense our family includes not only our spouse and children, but parents, uncles, aunts, cousins, nephews, nieces and others__all members of our extended family. Enjoying a good relationship with all one's family is a wonderful blessing.

# 2 __To discover how we can make our family relationship work, let's see how the institution of the family began. Shortly after God created the first man, Adam, He said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him" (GENESIS 2:18). Adam was incomplete. So God created a woman, Eve, to be his partner in life. God created men and woman to complement each other, not compete with each other. He created them to work together, within marriage, to form families and populate the earth. 
It is easy to forget that children are a blessing from God. Life is much more fulfilling when we take time to notice and appreciate the simple things around us. 
# 2 __To discover how we can make our family relationship work, let's see how the institution of the family began. Shortly after God created the first man, Adam, He said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him" (GENESIS 2:18). Adam was incomplete. So God created a woman, Eve, to be his partner in life. God created men and woman to complement each other, not compete with each other. He created them to work together, within marriage, to form families and populate the earth.
It is easy to forget that children are a blessing from God. Life is much more fulfilling when we take time to notice ans appreciate the simple things around us. 
# 3 __Keys to happiness _God didn't create the family relationship and then leave us to stumble blindly in trying to find the best way to make it work. The keys for family happiness and success are revealed in the Scriptures. When we follow these instructions, much of the strife so often found in families is eliminated. 
# 4 __One of the keys God gives is the marriage is a lifelong commitment. When asked about divorce, Jesus Christ responded: "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? (MATTHEW 19:4__5).
# 5 __Jesus showed that marriage was designed by God as a sacred contract, a covenant between a man and woman (MALACHI 2:14)__an agreement not to be violated. Happiness does not come by accident. We are most satisfied when we are doing something we believe is important. Such is the case with the family. God created this institution so we could learn many lessons and attain our potential in His family (2 CORINTHIANS 6:18; HEBREWS 2:10__11; 1 JOHN 3:2). God gives instructions on how a family is to function. In the Fifth Commandment He tells us, "Honor your father and mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you" (EXODUS 20:12).
# 6 __We are always to honor our parents. In our youth we should honor them by respectful obedience. When they are old we should honor them with visits, regular communication and respect and by seeing that their material and emotional needs are met. God promises  a special blessing for people who obey this commandment. Notice the reward for honoring our parents: "that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you." In Ephesians 6:2 the apostle Paul describes this instruction as "the first commandment with promise."
# 7 __ Another blessing that comes from having a family is children. Psalm 127:3__5 tells us: "Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them . . ."
# 8 __Whether first-time parents marveling at the miracle of life, a grandmother proudly holding her first grandchild or a grandfather playing catch with his grandchild in the backyard__all discover children to be a God-given source of joy. It is easy to forget that children are a blessing from God. Too often we think of having fun as visting an exotic vacation spot, meeting exciting people or witnessing a spectacular event. Yet we eventually learn that life is much more fulfilling when we take time to notice and appreciate the simple things around us.
# 9 _Happiness begins at home _Sadly, our modern way of life tends to separate families. Grandchildren often live far from their grandparents. Youngsters are separated from their aunts, uncles and cousins. Frequent visits and phone calls can help shorten the distance and keep us in touch with other members of our family, but those measures are not always adequate. Building happy, stable, extended families takes effort. Galatians 6:7 explains that we reap what we sow. A properly functioning family requires a lot of work, just as it takes effort to start a career, build a house or plow a field.
# 10 __We usually reap rewards in proportion to the effort we put into something. If we start to build a house but don't make use of good-quality materials and good workmanship, our house will not have much value. Our families are the same. If we put effort and care into them, then we don't invest much time and effort in our families, we cannot expect much in return. Let's consider some investments we can make to create the most positive environment in our families. 
# 11 _Time: a precious commodity _Spending time together is important for people in any profitable and proper relationship. The many pressures and demands on our time tend to pull our families farther apart rather than drawing them together. Some parents find it difficult to spend more than a few minutes each day with their spouses and children.
# 12 _It is common to hear people complain about their lack of time. Yet we seem to find time for the things that we really want to do. How important is your family? How high a priority is it to you? When we ask ourselves this question, we may see a need to rearrange our priorities. You may have to make time for your family.
# 13 _When family members live in the same area and share the commitment to obey God's commandments, they have a special opportunity for spending time together while worshiping God. The Fourth Commandment instructs us to "remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy" (EXODUS 20:8). Though one of the most ignored laws to God, the Sabbath command, when observed, affords families many opportunities to come together. (To learn how to find time in your week to consider godly spiritual values, you need to learn more about God's weekly Sabbath. 
# 14 _The Sabbath commandment is more important today than ever because of our busy schedules. It is a day on which family members should have dinner together, perhaps take time for a walk and, above all, worship God together. Investing time with your close relatives on the sabbath can enhance your relationship with them, teach them the values of God and bind your family together through eternal spiritual principles. 
# 15 _In addition to the Sabbath, other times and activities, such as trips, vacations and holidays, provide ways for family members to spend time together. Such occasions provide opportunities for parents to talk with their children, to find out what they are thinking about life and learn to their hopes, dreams and frustrations. It is also a time for children to start asking question of their parents about life. When a family is together in a car for many hours traveling, parents can take this time to communicate with their children, thus bringing their families closer together.
The Sabbath is a day on which family members should have dinner together, perhaps take time for a walk and, above all, worship God together. 
# 16 _A source of support _There are always times when things go wrong. When rough times come, the family can provide powerful support. Ecclesiastes 4:11__12 points out the advantage of support: "If two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three stands is not quickly torn apart." What better physical, emotional and even spiritual support can one have than a loving family that comes to the aid of a stricken member? Paul exhorted the congregation in Thessalonica to "comfort the fainthearted, uphold the weak, be patient with all" (1 THESSALONIANS 5:15). Assistance from the family is the first source of help when problems arise. If a family member falls ill or loses a job, a supporting family can help. Family members can encourage him not to give up or become overly discouraged.
# 17 _A problem during Jesus earthly ministry was nonsupporting families. Christ chastised the Pharisees, telling them they needed to take care of older, needy family members. "All too well you reject the commandment of God, that you may keep your tradition," He told them. "For Moses said, 'Honor your father and your mother'; and, 'He who curses father or mother, let him be put to death.' But you say, 'If a man says to his father or mother, whatever profit you might have received from me is Corban'__(that is, a gift to God), then you no longer let him do anything for his father or his mother" (MARK 7:9__12). He made it clear that family members have a responsibility to take care of elderly parents. One way to support elderly parents is to stay in regular contact with them. Letters and phone calls to see how they are doing are good first steps. Then one should follow through with help as needed. The principle of assisting also applies to other members of a family when they are in need.
# 18 _Traditionally speaking__Traditions help families function and grow closer. We have already mentioned that obedience to the Fourth Commandment (to keep the Sabbath holy) can help make stronger families. Besides the Sabbath and biblical feast days, other traditional times to get together__such as anniversaries__offer important opportunities for developing relationships. (To understand the meaning of the biblical Holy Days, be sure to request God's Holy Day plan: The Promise of Hope for All Mankind). Jesus Christ encourages us as well to extend hospitality to others outside our immediate families: "When you give a dinner or a supper, do not ask your friends, your brothers, your relatives, nor rich neighbors, lest they also invite you back, and you be repaid. But when you give a feast, invite the poor, the maimed, the lame, the blind. And you will be blessed, because they cannot repay you; for you shall be repaid at the resurrection of the just" (LUKE 14:12__14).
# 19 _The need for rules: _We live in an era that has cast off many of the rules__the standards and traditions__that once governed society. The result? Young people do not have the guidelines to help them grow and mature into responsible adults. Far too many roam the streets without rules to define proper behavior.
# 20 _Children need boundaries and rules. They need to know what is expected of them. Proverbs 29:15 tells us that "the rod and rebuke give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother." Children and teenagers may not appreciate correction and rules when they are young; but when they are older, they will see and be thankful for the wisdom of parents who gave them proper guidance. Ross Campbell, M. D., understands the importance of rules in the development of children. In this book How to Really Love Your Teenagers he writes: "Teenagers at some level of consciousness realize they need guidance and control from their parents. They want it. I have heard so many teenagers say that their parents do not love them because they are not strict or firm enough. And so many teenagers express their thankfulness and love to parents who showed their care and concern by their guidance and control."
# 21 _Rules and guidelines are good for children. They let them know what is expected of them. They identify proper standards of behavior. Responsible parents who love their children will give careful consideration to the rules they established. Dr. Campbell asks: "Should you make them fair, broad, and reasonable? Or should you be very strict? It is important to remember that the normal teenager will test__and sometimes even break__your limits or rules. Common sense, then, indicates that since it is in the makeup of most teenagers to challenge and/or break rules, no matter how strict or broad they are, the sensible thing is to make rules initially quite strict and restrictive.
# 22 _Later, as children mature and demonstrate responsible behavior, the rules can be relxed where and when appropriate. The Bible tells us that children, too, have a responsibility. Paul wrote, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right" (EPHESIANS 6:1). Ideally, youths will learn from parents who teach them God's instructions.
# 23 _Of course, children tend to test rules. At times they will decide they know better than their parents. When this happens, parents should take time to explain why certain rules exist. For example, if a youngster or teenager has a tendency to not wear a seat belt when riding in a car, explain to him the reason for wearing one: Seat belts usually saves lives and prevent serious injuries in case of accidents. If children are placed in seat belts when they are young, they will develop the habit of buckling up and likely not challenge it as they grow older.
# 24 _Love: the lasting ingredient __Love is the most important ingredient in any successful family. If members of the family love each other, they will be more tolerant and forgiving, and they will be willing to support weaker members of the family. The apostle Paul describes the characteristics of true love, the unselfish concern for other people: "Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things" (1 CORINTHIANS 13:4__7). Love is especially important within the family structure. It gives us direction when we wonder how to treat a family member. Love means applying discipline when needed. This kind of love requires parental courage and self-discipline__the same attributes we would like to see in our children.    
# 25 __Societal changes have seriously threatened the family. Some wonder if the family structure can survive. Many forces are at work that constantly threaten and undermine this basic building block of society. There is much you can do to help make your family life work, to help prevent your family from becoming one of the casualties. You can help make your family a safe haven for its members, a harbor from the storms of life in a troubled world. To see your family life flourish, be sure to apply these principles and many more to be found throughout the Bible.  

CHILD REARING: BUILDING THE RIGHT FOUNDATION - CHAPTER # 3 !!!!!!!

CHILD REARING: BUILDING THE RIGHT FOUNDATION !!!!!
Countless books have been written about rearing. Some approaches to rearing children are at opposite ends of the spectrum and give conflicting and contradictory advice. Where can we find sure, sound information to guide us in this crucial responsibility? The Bible has much to say about this all-important subject, and parents should look to its pages for guidance. What should be our fundamental approach? 
# 2 _Our attitude toward our children is perhaps the single most important consideration in proper child rearing. Do we really love our children? Do our words and actions show our children we love them?? Will we, and do we, sacrifice for them? Do we make time to show we care for them? There is no substitute for time spent with our children. Our time is our life. To our children, our time with them is life. A parent who provides his children with plenty of material possessions but little personal time is missing a vital point. Children do not equate the parent's time on the job working to provide for the family with love for them. They think it means Dad doesn't like to spend time with them. Our time is the most valuable gift we can give to our children, especially quality time interacting and conversing with them. Without a foundational approach of love, little that we can do in rearing our children will produce the favorable results we want to see: mature, responsible and caring young men and women.
# 3 _WORDS AND ACTIONS LEAVE LASTING IMPRESSIONS !!!__All parents at times become frustrated with their children's behavior. It is easy for a father or mother to convey the impression that he she doesn't love the child. Some parents, by means of angry, frustrated reactions and comments, make their children feel they are worthless or despised by the parents.
# 4 _Parents must carefully consider the impression their words and actions make on their children. They may be upset about only one negative trait or action but make the child feel as if he is an altogether bad person. It is essential that parents control their anger when connecting a child and that they make the specific behavior, action or attitude for which the child is being punished perfectly clear.
# 5 _The apostle Paul offers this instruction to parents: "Fathers, do not irritate and provoke your children to anger__do not exasperate them to resentment__but rear them (tenderly) in the training and discipline and the counsel and admonition of the Lord" (EPHESIANS 6:4,).
# 6 _In other words, parents should be sure their children know, even when they are being disciplined and corrected, that they are loved. This is not to say parents should never display anger, but that it must be obviously directed toward the child's misbehavior. It should always be controlled and brief. God Himself becomes angry at times, but He doesn't lose His temper, and He always has a righteous purpose for His indignation and resulting actions.
# 7 _When children know they are deeply cared for and that correction from their father or mother grows out of concern and is in their best interest, such discipline will not provoke them to anger and rebellion. On the other hand, statements that a child perceives as painting him and his character and attitude as worthless make him feel rejected and can eventually lead to rebellious behavior, damaging activities and even running away from home.
# 8 _If a parent tells his child he's no good, the child soon will start believing it and living up to that reputation. To show active rather than passive love for our kids, we must extend sincere compliments and praise when they're due. This reassures our children they are loved and appreciated.
# 9 _Parents responsibility to teach_Another essential ingredient in proper child rearing is actively teaching right values and behavior. God emphasizes this parental resposibility: "And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart; you shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up" (DEUTERONOMY 6:6__7). This does not mean just formal, classroom-style teaching, although such teaching is appropriate. The instruction God commands inspires practical, down-to-earth learning and application of God's way of life while we go about our daily activites.This kind of teaching requires much more than a once-a-week session at church services. It must be a regular practice, all week long. Such teaching should become a way of life.
# 10 _Children, of course, quickly pereive whether their parents practice what they teach. Therefore, the parents example may be the most important teacher of all. Parents must do the things they teach. Nothing is more ineffective than for a parent who uses foul language to correct his child for using similar language. How can a parent teach resopsibility if his own actions are irresponsible, if they being needless hardship on the family?
# 11 _Our example greatly influences our children. They are quick to pick up on inconsistencies. They consider how fair we are, how much information we seek before making s decision, how we treat their friends, how courteously and respectfully we deal with others. They especially watch whether we live up to what we say__particularly if we are judgmental of other people on those same issues.
# 12 _The need for discipline _An important part of teaching is discipline, which can involve punishment. This is a controversial subject in many societies, with strong opinions on many sides of the issue. Some parents believe in corporal punishment; others are dead set against it. Government, too, enter the picture, with some countries going so far as to outlaw spanking or paddling. The educational system is a major additional factor in this ongoing debate. Corporal punishment has virtually disappeared from many public schools.
# 13 _Keep in mind, however, the various ways to punish or administer discipline. Verbal correction, removal of privileges, restricting freedoms and adding extra chores are a few. Sometimes such methods work well, and some may be more effective with one child than another. Some children are more sensitive and respond to scolding. Others require bolder steps to teach the lesson. The result is the important thing. A godly principle is to use only as much punishment as is required to achieve the desired result. But sometimes none of these methods work. So what about corporal punishment?
# 14 _The Bible teaches that corporal punishment, wisely applied, is appropriate when disciplining children: "Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death" (PROVERBS 23:13__14; See also PROVERBS 13:24; 22:15; 29:15).
# 15 _The word rod should not be interpreted to mean anything that could injure a child in any manner whatsoever. It implies only something small and light that would inflict a limited amount of pain without injury. The size might vary according to the age and size of the child. Appropriate punishment involves temporarily inflicting minor pain with the specific objective of preventing future inappropriate behavior with its far greater and long-lasting consequences. This minor, short-lived pain is nothing compared with the suffering that would come later if the child should permanently adopt destructive behavior. But parents must wisely administer such discipline. It should be undertaken only for the child's benefit, never to vent a parent's uncontrolled anger.
# 16 _Family and child-rearing authority James Dobson describes the proper approach in administering punishment: "It is possible . . . to create a violent and aggressive child who has observed this behavior at home. If he is routinely beaten by hostile, volatile parents, or if he witness physical violence between angry adults, or if he feels unloved and unappreciated within his family, the child will not fail to notice how the game is played . . . Being a parent carries no right to slap and intimidate a child because you had a bad day or are in a lousy mood. It is this kind of unjust discipline that causes some well-meaning authorities to reject corporal punishment altogether.
# 17 _"Just because a technique is used wrongly, however, is no reason to reject it altogether. Many children desperately need this resolution to their disobedience. In those situations when the child fully understands what he is being asked to do or not to do but refuses to yield to adult leadership, an appropriate spanking is the shortest and most effective route to an attitude adjustment. When he lowers his head, clenches his fists, and makes it clear he is going for broke, justice must speak swiftly and eloquently. Not only does this response not create aggression in a boy or girl, it helps them control their impulses and live in harmony with various forms of benevolent authority throughout life"
# 18 _Spanking should be a contingency plan, not the standard or sole way of punishing. It should be used when other approaches don't work or when a child is out of control all will not submit or when he shows a rebellious spirit. Spankings are not for accidentally spilling milk or for making a C on a report card. Nor should they become the dominant tool of child rearing. Says Dr. Dobson: "In my opinion, spankings . . . should be reserved for the moment a child (between the age of eighteen months to ten years old) expresses to parents a defiant 'I will not!' or 'You shut up!' When youngsters convey this kind of stiff-necked rebellion, you must be willing to respond to the challenge immediately." 
# 19 _Taking a cue from God's discipline _Consider that God chastises Christians out of love for them. Notice Hebrews 12:5__11: "And you have forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as children__'My child, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, or lose heart when you are punished by him; for the Lord disciplines those whom he loves, and chastises every child whom he accepts.' "Endure trials for the sake of discipline. God is treating you as children; for what child is there whom a parent does not discipline? If you do not have that discipline in which all children share, then you are illegitimate and not his children. Moreover, we had human parents to discipline us, and we respected them. Should we not be even more willing to be subject to the Father of spirits and live?
# 20 _"For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share his holiness. Now, discipline always seems painful rather than pleasant at the time, but rather it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. The preceding passage from Hebrews quotes Proverbs 3:11__12, comparing God's correcting of us as His children to human parents disciplining their children out of love and concern for them.
# 21 __These verses teach us several vital principles regarding discipline. From them we learn (1) __God disciplines in love, (2) __discipline is not rejection but part of our maturing and growth, (3) __discipline produces respect, and (4) __discipline produces good fruit and righteousness. The Greek word for "discipline" in the passage in Hebrews includes the concepts of education and training, corrective guidance and corrective punishment. Proper child rearing involves all these elements of training. 
# 22 __Another biblical principle that parents should consider when evaluating discipline appropriate for their children is expressed by the apostle Paul: "Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and the authorities that exist are appointed by God. Therefore whoever resists the authority resists the ordinance of God, and those who resists will bring judgment on themselves" (ROMANS 13:1__2). Parents should understand that some disciplinary practices recommended in Scriptures may be restricted by local, state or national laws. 
# 23 __A blessing and responsibility __God's Word tells us children are a gift, a blessing from Him. Being a parent is perhaps the greatest responsibility we can have in this life, and it can bring the greatest rewards. We can teach our sons and daughters many things, but we can also learn much from them about life and relationships. If we are effective in parenting, they can even surpass us and achieve more than we. That is truly an honor to any parent and a worthy goal. 

MARRIAGE: FOUNDATION OF THE FAMILY !!!!!!!!

MARRIAGE: FOUNDATION OF THE FAMILY !!!!!!!!
# 1 _God"s word declares that "he who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord" (PROVERBS 18:22), who find loving and responsible husbands. Marriages are the bulding blocks of communities, societies and, unltimately, civilizations. A society is only as strong as its marriages, and families. From the beginning God taught that "a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh" (GENESIS 2:24). This special arrangement, this bond between a man and woman, was intended to last, as traditional marriage ceremonies put it, "until death do us part." It was designed to be a lifelong relationship (ROMANS 7:2__3) that would produce godly children (MALACHI 2:15) and help both spouses better understand the deep, loving relationship between Jesus Christ and the members of "the household of God," His Church (EPHESIANS 5:25__32; 2:19__22).
# 2 _A happy marriage is one of the greatest blessings we can enjoy. God intended for couples to live happily ever after once they exchanged their marriage vows. To this end Ecclesiastes 9:9 instructs husbands to "enjoy life with the woman whom you love all the days of your fleeting life which He has given to you under the sun; for this is your reward in life, and in your toil in which you have labored under the sun" (New American Standard Bible). Likewise, wives should enjoy life with their husband.
# 3 _Yet, judging by the divorce rates in many countries, mankind has not learned how to do this. Everyone wants a good marriage, but few are willing to follow God's instructions that, if followed, would produce loving, committed relationships. God designed marriage and wants us to be happily married (GENESIS 2:24). For success in this area of life, we need to learn from the Creator of marriage the principles that lead to happy, successful unions. In short, we need to understand and apply concepts that work rather than following modern paths that so often lead to failure.
DATING: PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE !!!!!!
# 4 _According to God's Word, the foundation for a good marriage is laidlong before the wedding ceremony. It is established when two people begin dating. As children grow older, "When can begin dating?" is a question they commonly ask their parents. Though the Bible gives no specific age when dating is appropriate, wise parents will teach their maturing children sound biblical principles that will help them follow God' standards of behavior. Parents should determine when their children are ready to date based on their maturity and readiness to accept resopnsibility for their actions. Before parents allow dating, they should teach and encourage their children to follow biblical standards rather than turning them loose to do whatever comes naturally.
# 5 _Teaching children God's standards before allowing them to date may sound terribly old-fashioned and restrictive to some with supposedly enlightened ways of thinking. But most governments do not allow people to drive automobiles until they demonstrate the knowledge and ability to do so in a safe manner. No responsible parent would put his or her adolescent child in an automobile in the middle of a busy highway without having given that child instruction on how to drive. 
When two people exchange wedding vows, they make a life-long commitment. Biblically speaking, this is a convenant__a solemn promise to God and one's mate to be faithful.
# 6 _Dating in our modern world is not without its dangers. Without proper instruction, too many youths become promiscuous, contract sexually transmissible diseases, experience unwanted pregnancies and choose wrong paths that seem enjoyable and right at the time but lead to untold anguish (PROVERBS 14:12; 16:25). They need instruction early and interactive suffering. Without this proper instruction, many people will never experience a happy marriage. Loving parents would never wish misery on their children! But leaving them ignorant is a sure path to heartache. A thorough understanding of God's standards for dating and marriage is one of the greatest blessings children can receive from their parents.
# 7 _Yet many, of course, are far past that point, having already reached adulthood__some having perhaps gotten married and even divorced. Teaching young people proper behavior for dating is obviously ideal. But what about adults? Do the principles change? Because adults are older, does that give them license for more liberties than adolescents may take? Are all things appropriate for cinsenting adults? As we shall see, God's standards for dating apply to people of all ages. He does not have two sets of guidelines, one for adults and one for youths. Following the biblical laws is equally beneficial no matter one's age. Breaking God's laws is equally disastrous for people of all ages.
# 8 _MODERN STANDARDS OF DATING !!!
To understand the difference between God's way and the world's consider the dating practices common in the Wesrern world. Many assume that when people are dating, sexual intercourse is appropriate to determine if they were compatible. They believe sex is simply a natural expression of love between two people and thereby the natural thing to do for individuals living together or "going together" in an exclusive dating relationship. If such a couple then breaks up and the two start dating others, the common assumption is that they are then free to have sexual relations with their new partners.
# 9 _This practice of serial monogamy__being sexually active with only one unmarried person at a time__is widely considered a suitable way to date and find a future mate.
In the United Sates about two thirds of married woman in their 20s cohabited with their future husbands before marriage (Robert Moeller, "America's Morality Report Card." 1995) This dubious practice is followed by all too many young adults in the Western world.
# 10 _Another honorable principle, according to current standards, is that partners should disclose any sexually transmissible diseases before intercourse so appropriate protection can be employed. In addition, practicing "safe sex" (using contraceptives to advoid disease and unwanted pregnancies) is touted as the right thing to do. These practices are so widely accepted that increasing numbers of school systems provide free contraceptives to students, no questions asked. Although these approaches may appear to be logical, they do not measure up to God's standards. What many do not understand is that such faulty logic is precisely the cause of so many unhappy relationships and failed marriages. Let's consider what God says.
# 11 _GOD'S STANDARDS FOR DATING
Historical records, like those of the ancient city of Corinth, reveal that in the heart of the Rome Empire, the most teachnologically advanced civilization of its day, the sexual values of the first century were similar to the modern concepts of dating today. Standards were a so skewed that sexual relations with temple prostitutes were not looked upon as scandalous but considered an appropriate form of worship.
# 12 _Through the apostle Paul, God taught the Corinthians a better way. "Flee sexual immorality," he wrote. "Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit . . . and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's"
                               (1 CORINTHIANS 6:18__20)
# 13 _How could Paul dare to address other's private behavior? He could be so bold because he understood that God sanctions sexual relations only within the marriage relationship (CENESIS 2:24; HEBREWS 13:4). Sexual relations in any other situation were and are immoral. Later Paul addressed relationships between members of the opposite sex even more directly. Urging the brethen to live their lives in a waypleasing to God  (1 THESSALONIANS 4:1).
# 14 _"This is the will of God, that you should be holy: you must abstain from fornication; each one of you must learn to gain mastery over his body, to hallow and honour it, not giving way to lust like the pagans who know nothing of God; no one must do his fellow-Christian wrong in this matter, or infringe his rights.
"As we impressed on you before, the Lord punishes all such offences. For God called us to holiness, not to impurity. Anyone therefore who flouts these rules is flouting not man but the God who bestows on you his Holy Spirit" (Verses 3__8)
# 15 _The custom and practice of dating__which leads to marriage__should be conducted with honor. It should not be devalued into an excuse for sexual gratification. God expects us to enter marriage as virgins. This approach shows respect for God, our bodies, our futures and the divine institution of marriage.
# 16 _God's way is the best for making marriage work. Sociologists have found that God's standard for dating is the one that produces marriages that last. "After analyzing cohabitation and marriage patterns among some 13,000 adults, two University of Wisconsin-Madison sociologists have concluded that couples who live together before marriage experience higher levels of marital conflict and do not communicate as well. Such couples were less committed to marriage and saw divorce as more likely than those who had not cohabited prior to marriage."
DATING: TEACH THE RIGHT WAY !!!!!!
# 17 _How can concerned parents counteract pressure on their children to engage in immoral dating practices? The first step, as noted earlier, is to teach them godly principles of dating and friendship. When their teens are ready, many families have found group dating to be a good way for youths to enter their next stage of life. Since teeagers are generally not ready for marriage__because of immaturity and the need for educational and occupational training__some of the pressures and temptations of one-on-one dating can be avoided through group dates. Social development and learning to have fun in the company of the opposite sex are healthy experiences for teens in a safe environment.
DATING FOR MARRIAGE !!!!!!
# 18 _When two mature people begin dating each other with an eye toward marriage, they must consider many things. What values does the other person's background and personal standards and values? Will this person be a complementary match? Can I love and respect her?
# 19 _Often in modern dating little thought is given to a potential partner for life__other than whether the two enjoy their sexual activity. Yet when two people refrain from the emotionally charged arena of sexual relations as God instructs, they can much more rationally consider the values and traits of a potential spouse.
# 20 _Finding a mate with similar religious values is an especially importtant consideration. The ancient nation of Isreal repeatedly lost its spiritual moorings when its citizens intermarried with people with different religious convictions and practices (NUMBER 25:1__3; NEHEMIAH 13:23__26). Marrying within one's faith is still just as important. Ideally children should have two parents who believe, practice and teach the same religious principles. When children have parents with different values, they are confused. Even if children are not involved, clashes between two competing value systems can be painful. Through bitter experience, many afterward wish that when they were dating they had followed the apostle Paul's advice against being "unequally yoked together" with someone of different religious beliefs (2 CORINTHIANS 6:14).
# 21 _As two people consider getting engaged to be married, if thyey are wise they will seek premarital counseling. Such counsel can help couples consider their strengths and weaknesses before marriage. In addition to an objective review, they can discuss their relationship skills. Although the decision to marry is a personal one, this kind of information can help couples make wiser choices about whom they marry. For those who choose to proceed with marriage, insights gained through premarital counseling can lay a foundation for a relatioship that will last.
# 22 _A FOUNDATION FOR MARRIAGE !!!!
Within marriage God gives husbands and wives specific instructions that will produce peace and happiness. Whether or not one has followed God's instructions regarding dating, these principles can help any marriage. Although the best course of action is always to follow all of God's instructions, God also allows and encourages everyone to turn from past sins and begin obeying Him (EZEKIEL 18:21; Acts 2:38; 26:18).
# 23 _Although solid relationships are built more quickly when both husband and wife accept and practice God's laws, God expects each of us to respond to Him regardless of the circumstances of our marriage (JAMES 4:17). Even when only one mate commits his or her life to God and His standards, this opens the door to God blessing both partners (1 CORINTHIANS 7:13__14). A positive, loving example of obedience to God by a husband or wife may influence the other to what to please God (1 PETER 3:1__4). One person can make a difference. Let us consider some biblical principles that when followed make marriage work.
# 24 _Early in the book of Genesis God tells us that it is appropriate for a man to "leave his father and his mother" and "cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh" (GENESIS 2:24, KING JAMES VERSION 1611). The Hebrew word translated "cleave" is dabaq, meaning "to cling, cleave, keep close." "Used in modern Hebrew in the sense of 'to stick to, adhere to,' dabaq yields the noun form for 'glue' and also the more abstract ideas of 'loyalty, devotion'''
# 25 _When a husband and wife obey the biblical command to cleave to each other, they will literally join together. Having sexual relations, being "one flesh," is part of commitment to each other in marriage. Commitment includes fidelity, trust and the character to act properly when under pressure or temptation. Yet too often people engage in sex without commitment__a contradiction of this foundational principle for successful marriages. When two people exchange wedding vows, they make a lifelong commitment. Biblically speaking, this is a covenant (MALACHI 2:14__a solemn promise to God and one's mate to be faithful.
# 26 _This commitment should not be taken lightly or maintained only when we feel like it. We need to understand that our feelings can mislead us. God does not advocate only occasional bursts of loyalty and obedience to Him whenever it is convenient for us. Similarly, people who desire good marriages do not look for people who will stay committed to them only most of the time. Good relationships stand on long-term, trustworthy commitments__even under trying circumstance. When two people commit to follow God and His instructions within their marrige, they take the first steps to a happy, lasting relationship.
# 27 _WHAT IS LOVE???
To love and be loved is one of the most exhilarating experiences people can enjoy. Writers and poets ancient and modern speak of the power and emotion of romantic love. Yet the Bible reveals that love, in itsbroadest sense, is a choice. Love is something we choose to do. God tells husband to love their wives (EPHESIANS 5:25, 28; COLOSSIANS 3:19)__and not just if they feel like it. Lacking a foundational understanding, many couples have tragically assumed they have no control over their feelings. Concluding that love just magically appears or disappears, too many have suffered and even dissolved relationships over difficulties that could have been resolved.
# 28 _In a beautiful explanation of the love God expects of us, the apostle Pul describes the nature and qualities of love: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails"  (1 CORINTHIANS 13:4__8)
# 29 _Love is much more than a vague emotion or physical attraction. Practicing real love requires conscious choice and determination. Genuine love resolves to show kindness and patience in the face of suffering. It does not return evil for evil (ROMANS 12:17; 1 THESSALONIANS 5:15). People who exemplify this kind of love follow the example of God Himself, who "is kind to the unthankful and evil" (LUKE 6:35).
# 30 _Full, complete love is the love God expects husbands to show their wives. It is the foundation of godly leadership. Without it husbands cannot properly fulfill the leadership God expects from them within marriage (EPHESIANS 5:23). When a husband demonstrates godly love, his whole family benefits. His wife and children feel secure. When they know they are honored and loved, it is much easier for them to respect him as the leader of the family.
# 31 _Husbands must understand that even though God has given them responsibility within the family, their position of leadership is to be used only for the good of the family. It should never be used for selfish reasons. This kind of leadership flows from the understanding that first and foremost the husband, too, is under authority__God's authority (1 CORINTHIANS 11:3)
# 32 _Because husbands historically have not lived up to God's expectations for them, some have concluded that a father's leadership position within the family is evil and outdated. The real problem, however, is with husbands who neglect or reject the character traits of godliness__not with God's model for families. If we accept God's instructions, we must accept His teaching on the marriage model. God places on a husband's shoulders immense responsibility for leading his wife and children in gentleness and love. God gives him no mandate to use his position harshly or selfishly, nor the right to neglect his family's well-being. Humility, the opposite of pride and arrogance, is essential in godly leadership.
# 33 _In a poignant letter to Titus, Paul explained that God's instructure for families is a foundational biblical teaching: "But as for you, speak the things which are proper for sound doctrine: that the older men be sober, reverent, temperate, sound in faith, in love, in patience; the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior . . . __that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed" (TITUS 2:1__5).
# 34 _RESPECT: KEY TO A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE
God set husbands in a leadership role in the family, but He expects men and woman alike to practice biblical love and respect (EPHESIANS 5:21). Besides detailing for husbands how they should love their wives (EPHESIANS 5:25__33), Paul gives specific instructions to wives: "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything" (See verses 22__24). 
# 35 _This verse teaches us that a wife's willing acknowledgment of her husband's leadership role is a vital ingredient in the godly model for marriage. This doesn't mean the husband must make every decision. Many couples successfully divide household responsibilities, working together according to their respective strengths and interests. In a loving marriage, both partners should discuss major decisions and priorities. Then, according to the biblical model, if the husband chooses to make the final judgment all family members should honor it.
# 36 _But there are times when a husband should wisely defer to the preference of his wife and children. Just because he has the right to make family choices does not mean it is always best that he does. Many decisions are a matter of preference, and preference is an individual matter A loving husband and father should be sensitive to the desires and preferences of every family member as long as they don't violate family and godly standards.
# 37 _No husband can successfully head his household unless his wife cooperatively respects the leadership position God has given him. Without her conscious decision to obey God's instruction, she will usurp his leadership role in the family, or the husband and wife will constantly argue. Paul urges wives to respect their husbands (verse 33). Attitude__of both husbands and wives__is the key to making the biblical model of marriage a joyful experience.
# 38 _Like love, respect also implies making a choice. We can choose to respect people for their positive qualities or despise them for the traits we dislike. The best time for critical evaluation is before marriage. Afterwards spouses need to focus on mutual respect. Deal kindly with imperfections and abundantly praise good qualities. Benjamin Franklin, early American stateman, wisely and humorously put it this way: "Keep your eyes wide open before marriage and half shut afterwards."
# 39 _CONFLICT AND COMMUNICATION _Researchers have found that the way two people communicate mirrors the state of their relationship. Positive, encouraging communication indicates a good relationship, and excessive criticism indicates a poor relationship. Depending on the circumstances, the two little words "I'm sorry" can be as effective as "I love you." Some marriage counselors claim couples should learn to fight fairly and not worry about the number of arguments. "Get it off your chest, and get it all out in the open," they advise.
# 40 _Although candor can be healthy, fighting and arguing over every disagreement has proven to not be so wise. A study of 691 couples indicated that the more partners argue, regardless of their style of quarreling, the more likely they will eventually divorce (Richard Morin, "What's Fair in Love and Fights?" Washinton Post Weekly, June 7, 1993). Conflicts lower respect and can build resentment. An argument can turn into the catalyst for a divorce.
# 41 _How much conflict can a relationship stand? One method of measurement, which claims 90 percent accuracy in predicting which marriages will last and which will fail, is based on the percentage of positive comments vs. negative comments between mates. Among newlyweds researchers found that partners who would end up staying together made five or fewer critical comments out of each 100 comments about each other. Newlyweds who later divorced had made 10 or more critical comments out of each 100 . Since no two people, even happily married couples, agree on everything, learning how to peacefully resolve difference is an important part of maintaining respect.
# 42 _Here are a few principles couples should follow. :Talk matters out. Take turns expressing your beliefs and concerns in a kind way, without raising your voices (PROVERBS 15:1). Refusing to talk about difficulties does not resolve problems. Leran to express your opinions in a nonjudgmental way. Respect differences in your mate. Since God created humankind with a broad range of personalities, we need to appreciate those different perspectives. Even the steps we take to fulfill God's instructions can vary from person to person (2 PETER 3:9).
# 43 _.Seek a win-win solution. Whenever possible look for solutions to problems that are acceptable to both parties (PHILIPPIANS 2:4). If possible, have two winners rather than a winner and loser. We must at times be willing to yield as long as a choice or action isn't in conflict with God's instruction (MATTHEW 5:9; 1 CORINTHIANS 6:7). Paul beautifully explained this principle: "Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus" (PHILIPPIANS 2:4__5).
# 44 _. Forgive. Everyone makes mistake. Forgive so God and your spouse will be inclined to forgive you (MATTHEW 6:15; LUKE 6:37). Put your best foot forward. Action often follows thought. Approach your marriage partner in a spirit of love and forgiveness and ask God to restore you to a right attitude (PSALM 51:10). I nstead of letting your negative emotions rule you, determie to treat your spouse with respect (2 CORINTHIANS 10:5). Often you emotions will match your actions.
. Seek help. If you have applied everything you know to do and are still struggling, look for competent professional help. Both you and your spouse may be making mistake neither of you has recognized but which a counselor can discern. Healthy, mature people are not afraid to seek help when they need it (PROVERBS 4:7; 11:14).
# 45 _THE VALUE OF TEAMWORK _God intends couples to work, live grow in harmony. Instead of waging a war of the sexes, which modern philosophies often fuel, God teaches husbands and wives to work together as a team. "Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered" (1 PETER 3:7).
# 46 _Working together, husbands and wives can accomplish much more than they can working independently. In the first century, Aquila and Priscilla set a fine example as a husband-and-wife team dedicated to God and serving His people. Together they worked as tentmakers with the apostle Paul in Corinth (ACTS 18:2__3), traveled with him to Syria (verse 18), helped Apollos understand "the way of God more accurately" when he was new in the faith (verses 24__26) and provided a meeting place for a church congregation in their home (1 CORTHIANS 16:19).
# 47 _Theywere loved and respected. Notice Paul's commendation of them "Greet Priscilla and Aquia, my fellow workers in Christ Jesus, who risked their own necks for my life, to whom not only I give thanks, but also all the churches of the Gentiles" (ROMANS 16:3__4). This couple saw a bigger purpose for their lives than arguing over inconsequential matters. They were living examples of "heirs togetherof the grace of life" (1 PETER 3:7).
# 48 _When husbands and wives lovingly submit to the roles God established in marriage, they learn how to submit to God. Intimate, loving relationships between husbands and wives teach us much about the relationship of Christ to the Church (EPHESIANS 5:32). Applying God's principles for marriage not only produces happy relationships in this life, it yields greater understanding of godly principles that will last for eternity. 

HOW CAN WE MAKE LIFE WORK !!!!!!



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HOW CAN WE MAKE LIFE WORK????
Frankly, life just isn't working for some people. Maybe you have noticed the incredible proliferation to self-help books on store and library bookshelves. Why are so many self-help books published? Could it be simply because people recognize they need help with many problems, challenges the stresses of everyday life? Writers and publishers recognize this, and their books fly off the shelves by the thousands. You may not realize that most families already own the best self-help book ever published. Millions of copies have been published, and it's been translated into hundreds of languages. Its words have been around for thousands of years. This book is your BIBLE.
Although it's a perpetual best seller, few people take the time to read and study the Bible. Most think it's nice to have around and that everybody should have one, but few seem to accept that it means much to us. After all, how could something written thousands of years ago apply to our fast-paced, teachnologically advanced world?? Still others think the Bible is a book for theologians and cannot be understood by the average person.
# 2 _Those who take the time to study the Bible, however, find it is a timeless book. It addresses the angeless issues and question: Why are we here? Where are we going? What are the solutions to perpetual human problems? How can we learn to live together in peace? How can we live rewarding, fulfilling lives?
The Bible is filled with practical, down-to-earth advice from our Creator. It can help us see and avoid the pitfalls that come with doing things our way (PROVERBS 14:12; 16:25). It records for us vital and profound lessons from real people.
# 3 _The Bible clearly shows the priniciple of cause and effect__that our choices and actions, good and bad, produce good and bad results. It's filled with sound counsel on how to have happy families, marriages and friendship, how to properly rear children, how to manage family finances and succeed on the job, how to maintain your health and so much more. In short, it tells us how to make life work. But in many way's we've only scratched the surface; the Bible easily contains a lifetime's education, just waiting for us to search out its priceless gems and treasures. It's a source of spiritual and practical help that you cannot afford to be without. 
# 4 _THE CHALLENGE OF LIVING THE TRUTH YOU LEARN !!!!!!!
Keep in mind, however, that just because the advice is there doesn't mean it's easy to follow. It takes effort. Trying to live by the Bible's instruction is a challenge.
Our natural inclination is to go a different direction from what the Bible teaches (ROMANS 8:7). We're surrounded by a secular world largely oblivious to biblical values, and those who wish to obey God often find themselves swimming upstream against popular thinking and ways of doing things. Nor does it help when we see that many who profess to be Christian display little or no commitment to living by God's instructions.
# 5 _Also, we need to be aware that things don't always work out the way we expect, even when we do try to follow God's instruction. Scripture tells us that "time and chance happen to [us] all" (ECCLESIASTES 9:11). In other words, in spite of our best efforts, other circumstances and situations beyond our control will effect us__sometimes for the better, at times for the worse. Although we can control our own actions, we sometimes have little or no control over the actions of others that spill over and effect us. God doesn't tell us this life will be perfect when we put His instruction into practice. In fact, He tells us to expect adversities (2 TIMOTHY 3:12; 1 PETER 2:20). He assures us, though, that in spite of difficulties and disappointments "all things work together for good to those who love God" (ROMANS 8:28).
# 7 _After all, God purpose for sending Jesus Christ to earth was to give us the opportunity for eternal life. "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life" (JOHN 3:16).
 God is concerned about our eternal well-being. But Jesus revealed another reason for His coming when He said, "I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly" (JOHN 10:10). Jesus came so we can have eternal life, but He came also to help us understand how we can enjoy fulfilled, productive lives right now.
# 8 _The apostle John expressed God' desire for us when he wrote, "Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul propers" (3 JOHN 2).
Even though living by God's instruction can bring trials and suffering (JOHN 16:33; ACTS 14:22), Jesus promised tangible blessings in the here and now for following God's way of life and then, in the age to come, eternal life (MARK 10:29__30). We can experience definite blessings in this life for following the instruction found in God's Word.
# 9 _Since following God's way is worth the effort, what must we do to please Him? The blog addresses some of the common issues we face__marriage, child rearing, health, employment, finances__and explains how we can structure our lives according to many principles brought out in the Bible. Continue readin to begin learning how you can live by the rules that make life work.